Manchester Scenewipe Chain & The Gang || The Deaf Institute, MCR || 17.05.11

Righty right!

POINT ONE:

Ian Svenoniusis a living legend in every sense of the word, notably the living part but principally the legend bit.

Yeah?

YEAH!

POINT TWO:

Manchester audiences will always have something better to do than watch your flimsy little band, like maybe playing in there own flimsy little band.

Yeah?

……………..

So the evening begins with the uncertainty of my name being on the guest list. I travel down regardless and am joyed to find out it is and I also have a +1. With this knowledge I decide to ring a friend to see if he fancies a bit of free rock ‘n’ roll, he does but will be another 45 minutes…I cunningly recall that local band Still down Gill are playing at The Salutaion and thus make my way over for a swift beverage. The Salutation is very much a local pub which is really the only kind of pub there should be. The regulars seem bedazzled by my bag which is decorated with many noble looking German Schnauzers, none the less they are all very inviting and also intoxicated… maybe inviting because of the intoxication? One Guinness down and lets go forth to meet with said +1 (Ben).

I arrive at The Deaf Institute and don’t have to wait too long for +1 (Ben), unfortunately we drop anchor having missed most of the support act, even more unfortunately neither me nor +1 (Ben) can remember support acts name! Suffice to say the crowd are more than a little bemused by this one Deutsch man and his keyboard singing social club soul tunes about train fare collectors’ gambling problems. Support act finishes his last song which no one seems to realise and i swear just two people applaud. Awesome support act continues to lie down on stage basking in Manchester’s love.

I can already feel the night deflating around me, come on night, inflate….Ian Svenoniusis for Christ’s sake…. Nation of Ulysses Christ sake

So, Chain & The Gang attain the stage , Chain dressed in full-on orange flared suit, Gang in regulation chain gang stripes (maybe Smith could adopt this look for other members of the fall?). Svenoniusis seems to instantly realise “tough crowd” by lack of actual crowd within 10ft of the stage….whats with that stage by the way? There’s absolutely no need for it to be so tall and imposing. Anyway, no problem, your thinking, here,s one of Rock ‘n’ Rolls most enigmatic front men. Ian wastes no time in whipping the crowd up with a bit of the old call and response. Yeah?……nothing, ok. what about a bit of entering the crowd and having a right old boogie?….no?, OK. Lets try a kung-fu air kick or two…no? Monkey man dance…NO! The man does everything other than getting on his knees and suckling Manchester’s shrivelled up acid house, twenty year come down cock.

Rock ‘n’ roll takes Manchester on the Jeremy Kyle show, today’s programme is titled;

you used to love me before all the drugs and now I want a lie detector test?

Jeremy opens proceedings by asking somewhat smugly with head tilted to speak down the camera as if he’s questioning us all at home, “so where did it all go wrong?” Rock ‘n’ roll visibly upset that things have escalated to the point that only Jeremy Kyle can help, answers with a meek quivering sob. Kyle ever the professional puts a hand around and gives the audience the sly old this’ll be a good ‘un look “take your time dear”. Rock ‘n’ roll takes a deep breath and recovers some dignity “well, we used to have so much fun in the old days. admittedly we didn’t see each other all that often but when we did it was special and we both seemed to appreciate it. Now he sees maybe a little too much of me and well… maybe he’s a little bored of me?”

Manchester Marches onto the stage with all its chest pumped out bombast “I gave you the fucking Fall you ungrateful cow, anyways you were always fucking around in London, now you want me back, hanging around non fucking stop… well ya’ can fucking do one, I’m so fucking over you!”

Manchester took the lie detector test, he was lying he still does really love rock ‘n’ roll he just doesn’t always know how to show it. Maybe he should start by not sitting down to watch the poor girl perform for a start, then how about remembering that loves a two way game? maybe give a little back than just being all take take take!

Spiel aside, there was one dude who I wholeheartedly congratulate as he looked as if he was having the time of his life and was doing his bit to make the show a success. Other things of note, Patti the backing singer was real nice; on me and +1(Ben) apologising for the lack of crowd support/enthusiasm her reply was” well I’m from Brooklyn so I’m pretty used to it” a touch of class i thought, I also had what may have been my one and only chance to talk to Svenoniusis cut short by John bleeding Robb chatting shit at him! I did buy Ian’s book The Psychic Soviet, which is one of the best books I have ever read about music and also one of the best books i have read by a musician… you should go get it .

PS: The ace support act I have later found out was Harry Merry… and what a jewel of a man he is.

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One Response to Chain & The Gang || The Deaf Institute, MCR || 17.05.11

+1 (Ben)

03/06/2011 4:33 pm

Best live gig I’ve seen in a long time. The mans a genius. Thoroughly recommend you go see them.. in a different town. Oh Manchester.. so much to answer for..